Munni And Sheila? Really? They Got Nothin’ On Our Girl Nargis!

1 Jan

So basically everybody is blasting ‘Munni Badnam Hui’ or ‘Sheila Kee Jawani’ these days and raving about Malaika and Katrina.

Frankly, I’m sick of it.

Why? Because you’re a bunch of hypocrites for backing the crap while ‘Hawww haye-ing’ when it comes to Nargis.

Why are Pakistanis even liking them Malaika and Katrina? Have you forgotten Nargis? I bet now you’ll be like ‘Whaaat? Malaika AND Katrina being compared to Nargis?” Well yeah, just because the Indian ones are labelled actresses and the latter is known as a performer on the stage to a rowdy crowd you don’t like her, douche bags.


But I know, our Nargis is as much as a babe as Munni and Sheila – even MORE!

You should be supporting her, why?

 1. Nargis was way more badnaam + jawan than Munni and Sheila. And way before they came onto the scene.

2. She is prettier (I’m not jk) quite a lot than Malaika and as far as Katrina is, you guys need to get over her (I mean yeah, she’s Kashmiri so that makes her amazing automatically *flip of hair* but she useless cuz she’s not a ‘full’ Kashmiri and has a British mother and can’t act or dance– if that makes any sense) – take a look at our own Aisha Linnea Akhtar, she is BEAUTY BEYOND WORDS!

3. She is married, settled, can cook and dance after having kids in Canada.

4. She knows how to MOOOVE.  Hell yeah.

5. There was actually a cyclone named Nargis and I just know they named it after her.

6.  Nargis is a Pakistani! Need I say more?

So paray hat Munni aur Sheila! You got NOTHIN’ on our girl Nargis!

And YOU lil Pakistani hypocrites playing those two songs again and again, love Nargis. Why shouldn’t you?

Just because she ain’t in India and ain’t in movies – it doesn’t make her any less than those awein Munni and Sheila.

Support Pakistanis!


Ma girl Nargis can squish those two squirrels named Munni and Sheila anytime.





Alice in Wonderland and Our Zulqi In Facebook-Land

29 Nov

Okay, so the runway-cricketer-cum-cricket-refugee a.k.a Zulqarnain Haider updated a new status of his on Facebook some days back.

“Who talking negative about me wait fr 5 days go mere ookat dikha raha hai sab ke ookat kikhain ga 5 din main wo kahain se belong kerte hain unkarib ookat batata huin pher pata chale ga kis ke kitne ookat hai or kis ne pese lie hain or kis ne nahin.”

First, it took my 5 minutes to construe and make out what he wrote but you know whats annoying ? Not his 4-time use of the word ‘aukat’ as ookat neither his ‘for’ as ‘fr’ but one small thing  : His facebooking.

 Its getting on my nerves.


I mean, fine he wrote a status and ran off on the day of a crucial match. His claims did seem serious, he did what he thought best and then landed in London seeking asylum and wanting to live a ‘peaceful life’which indicated he had no intentions of uncovering the whole story behind the mafia and match-fixing involved in our cricket. Fine again.

Updating his page with a smartly-edited picture as the profile photo later, making an account on Twitter (yes he did, and wants you to follow him there) and updating statuses sitting in another country would be the last thing a mature and sane man would have on his mind if he’s been receiving death threats meant both for him and his family.

“In our culture, when you are worried about your family’s safety, you run to their side,” Taffazul Rizvi, the PCB’s legal adviser, said. “Whereas he has run to a different country.”

And enlightening everybody about your plan of action is plain stupid. He messaged the media before fleeing to UK and now he’s putting up statuses stating that he’ll be telling all in 5-days (as if that’s not dangerous for him now -_- ).

Thing is, if you want to reveal all – come out, and come out bold. If you don’t, then don’t facebook.

So my dear Zulqi, either be a man and help save Pakistan Cricket a little by opening up to name the people (it would cause a stir but another scandal wouldn’t make a difference to this wonderful cricketing year that this nation has witnessed) or stop Facebooking because that isn’t part of reality. Its what some runaway dictators believe as the yardstick for their popularity show their power and support because they have 358,064 fans there compared to the 18 crore awam of Pakistan and where Meera claims to have got some lakhs of marriage proposals just because some Kashi Maliks write on her page “i love u meera.i wana kiss u?”

So stop the facebooking because just like ‘Alice in Wonderland’, FB is a fantasy world in our realities and you seem to be getting into it. Either you stay in Facebook-land or you come face the real world with what you know.

Stop facebooking. Why? Because its dopey when you’re in a situation like yours.

Though I know :

P.S : 5 days are over, when you show the ookat fr those-who-must-be-named?

Green Shirts Make Us Proud!

26 Nov

So Pakistan’s Hockey Team defeated Malaysia by 2-0 to be crowned champions at Asian Games after 20 years, yesterday in China.


Penalty-corner Specialist (read : KING of penalty-corners) Sohail Abbas scored the first goal in the first half while ace striker Rehan Butt did the second in the last half.

This win ended the title drought of 16 years and the period of defeats that had been much elongated all due to the previous (and current) maladriot PHF Managements assmebled on the basis of nepotism and political friendships.

Anyway, while I went on my typical  jumping and screaming spree – the nation beset by terrorism, poverty, inflation, the worst humanitarian crisis and the looming possibilties of political instability, celebrated and rejoiced.

Especially when the flag of Pakistan was unfurled dramatically, raised higher than all and while solely our National Anthem resounded through-out the stadium – a single emotion resonated throughout Pakistanis everywhere : Pride.



All the credit for this win goes to our players who’ve managed to survive in the pathetic environment that had been provided by the PHF and worked hard enough despite the sheer lack of faciliation, attention and efforts to revive the almost-breathing-its-last national sport (except a few people who have been putting in all their time and abilities for it, TDHA to mention one).


AND to all those fans (bear in mind, fans do not mean the ‘mausami-dadoos’ that are much in Pakistan and pop up to support someone after the achieve something big but those who have consistently supported someone/team etc) who loved Pakistan’s Hockey Team all this time, hooted for them at home when they scored a goal only to lose 7-2 to another team and yet believed in them. 

Also, whose hearts cried and pulled at the veins attached to it when Sohail Abbas was shunned for a while (mine did).


And though, there’s a long way to go to prove your mettle and worth : GREEN SHIRTS, YOU MADE US PROUD!


P.S : All those pessimists who considered our hockey team a bunch of losers before, this win means this for you :

Species at Shaadis

25 Nov

As posted on ‘Ideas Evolved’ :


So the season of shadis has kick-started again and I have attended quite a few of them recently. Pakistani weddings are unique, dramatic and enlivening but in this post, I shall pinpoint groups of certain type of popular creatures that attend these weddings. We’ve grown up watching them yet they elude our comprehension. So this post is for all those annoying-with-nothing-to-do-except-gossip and overdressed species that are commonly known as ‘Aunties’.

The Over-dressed:

These are the ones that find absolutely no reason NOT to wear their own ‘shadi ka gharara’ on their husband’s friends’ sister’s 25 year-old son’s wedding. With the ‘smoky eyes’ make-up and blonde streaked hair, needle heels and double diamond (and frequently fake) rings on fingers, these Auntiyaan have no care in the world of their age or the fact that Halloween is over.


The Silent Crusaders:

All those gossip-monger Auntiyaan fit into this category. They are usually not from the close and direct family of either the bride or the groom and are far-off relatives. They silently sit together with others of their nature with a honey-sweet masquerade of a smile on their face while zealously searching for their prey (which are always girls by the way) to gossip about, assume things, note, stare and probe about and later, women who want to find a ‘shareef larki’ for their son contact them to get the essential information of their potential bahu.. All these Auntiyaan do is blab and …. Blab.

“Haye who larki tau dekho, kitna chota kad hai.”

“Us ko tau dekho, suna hai bari taez hai.”



The Ex-rays:

Now these are different from the above-mentioned class. They don’t gossip, they just stare, gape and gaze but mind you, their eyes just don’t cast a gaze – they cast the whole process of ex-rays on you. From your head to your feet, they leave nothing unseen in anyone at the wedding. I vouch for them to be placed at all supermarket areas or other places for security checks to detect possible terrorists.


The Conventionals :

These are the traditional Aunties who have unconciously authored ‘The 101 Traditional Questions To Ask At Weddings’ . They have nothing interesting in specific except the famed questions and remarks that they aim at all wherever they meet us.

“Kis school main ho?”
“Kis class main?”
“Itni bari ho gayi Hafsaaa! Tumhe main nay us waqt dekha tha jab tum pampers main hoti thee!” I really don’t find anything appropriate to say after that other than “Umm, wow?”


The Hyenas:

Yes, I bet you all know who these are. The ever-prominent Aunties are harmless only until …. The food is served. That is the moment, when they come out of their cocoon to attack the food. They push through other guests viciously, are found practically glued to the buffet table, get the best of ‘botis’ in the ‘karaiyaan’ while spilling some of its gravy on their suits but they don’t really care as long as it fills their stomach. Undoubtedly, they are hyenas and literally take the cake at it.

So that’s my take on this breed of species that have once again mushroomed onto the scene with the advent of shadis these days. Love ‘em or loathe ‘em, but shadis aren’t shadis without them!