Tag Archives: Aunties

Species at Shaadis

25 Nov

As posted on ‘Ideas Evolved’ :

 

So the season of shadis has kick-started again and I have attended quite a few of them recently. Pakistani weddings are unique, dramatic and enlivening but in this post, I shall pinpoint groups of certain type of popular creatures that attend these weddings. We’ve grown up watching them yet they elude our comprehension. So this post is for all those annoying-with-nothing-to-do-except-gossip and overdressed species that are commonly known as ‘Aunties’.

The Over-dressed:

 
These are the ones that find absolutely no reason NOT to wear their own ‘shadi ka gharara’ on their husband’s friends’ sister’s 25 year-old son’s wedding. With the ‘smoky eyes’ make-up and blonde streaked hair, needle heels and double diamond (and frequently fake) rings on fingers, these Auntiyaan have no care in the world of their age or the fact that Halloween is over.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

The Silent Crusaders:


All those gossip-monger Auntiyaan fit into this category. They are usually not from the close and direct family of either the bride or the groom and are far-off relatives. They silently sit together with others of their nature with a honey-sweet masquerade of a smile on their face while zealously searching for their prey (which are always girls by the way) to gossip about, assume things, note, stare and probe about and later, women who want to find a ‘shareef larki’ for their son contact them to get the essential information of their potential bahu.. All these Auntiyaan do is blab and …. Blab.

“Haye who larki tau dekho, kitna chota kad hai.”

“Us ko tau dekho, suna hai bari taez hai.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

 

The Ex-rays:

 
Now these are different from the above-mentioned class. They don’t gossip, they just stare, gape and gaze but mind you, their eyes just don’t cast a gaze – they cast the whole process of ex-rays on you. From your head to your feet, they leave nothing unseen in anyone at the wedding. I vouch for them to be placed at all supermarket areas or other places for security checks to detect possible terrorists.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

The Conventionals :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

These are the traditional Aunties who have unconciously authored ‘The 101 Traditional Questions To Ask At Weddings’ . They have nothing interesting in specific except the famed questions and remarks that they aim at all wherever they meet us.

“Kis school main ho?”
“Kis class main?”
“Itni bari ho gayi Hafsaaa! Tumhe main nay us waqt dekha tha jab tum pampers main hoti thee!” I really don’t find anything appropriate to say after that other than “Umm, wow?”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

The Hyenas:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Yes, I bet you all know who these are. The ever-prominent Aunties are harmless only until …. The food is served. That is the moment, when they come out of their cocoon to attack the food. They push through other guests viciously, are found practically glued to the buffet table, get the best of ‘botis’ in the ‘karaiyaan’ while spilling some of its gravy on their suits but they don’t really care as long as it fills their stomach. Undoubtedly, they are hyenas and literally take the cake at it.

So that’s my take on this breed of species that have once again mushroomed onto the scene with the advent of shadis these days. Love ‘em or loathe ‘em, but shadis aren’t shadis without them!