Tag Archives: Twitter

Christine Fair: Another Case of Pooping ‘Experts’ Rather Than Exploding Mangoes

28 Nov

Don’t you just hate all the new ‘analysts’ and ‘experts’ on Pakistani Affairs that have popped up [ Or as I say, pooped up ] in recent years, post 9-11?

So only a day back, this ‘Assistant Professor of South Asian pol-mil affairs at Georgetown’ Christine Fair began to comment through her tweets on the NATO Raid that martyred 28 soldiers of ours and began engaging in arguments with the Pakistani Twitterati.

Main Christine tay ay mera nika pra!

Basically, she had just read the PTA Banned List and went all hochi to have heard about those galiyaan and very eager to use them.

Then she tweeted about the attack, in the exact tone of a #495 [ Refer to Urdu List ]:

Clearly, only she has the right to howl as an ode to her identity, which she proudly displays in her picture. But..

Sure, America is very understanding and wouldn’t howl if Pakistan killed their 28 soldiers.
But hey, Pakistani blood is just cheaper y’know. They can all just die, the remaining just shouldn’t howl while I bark on Twitter.

Plus, only an ‘expert’ #74 [ Urdu List ] would mix the ordinary soldiers of Pakistan with the Establishment or Establishment-supported extremist groups.

Anyway, so this guy just tweet-replied her after another dung-ish tweet of hers, which said Pakistan-created Afghan Taliban have killed thousands in Afghanistan so they have no right to mourn their dead soldiers who SHE DOUBTS were innocent, that Pakistanis too have been killed in thousands by terrorists and the Taliban.

So she tweeted in response:

GASP! Those decieving, lying, clever rascals! The Pakistanis, you know each one of them – the fathers, the labourers, the mothers, the little children whose limbs were strewn on the streets after bomb attacks – ALL of them had a part in creating the Taliban! So hey, they are themselves responsible for their death! AND then the ones who remain alive behind, they show their deaths as if they were innocents! BOMB ‘EM ALL.

Ofcourse, BC Uncle Sam had no role in this. He just impregnated Pakistan along with KSA with this illegitimate bastard child called Terrorism and when the baby got all grown up, he just abandoned them and blamed the nuisance on the mother for nurturing him.

[ I do not deny that ZAB supported Hekmatyar back in the 70s and Zia was the Godfather of this child ( or mother, however you take it ) and that the rulers and Establishment had a major rule in taking forward the shameful legacy of terrorism but America’s role in it, no matter how peripheral, can also not be dismissed ]

It was Pakistan that helped to create the Cold War situation and it was Pakistan that kickstarted the Soviet War in Afghanistan and it was Pakistan that thought of Operation Cyclone.
All Uncle Sam did was sit near the Afghan Border and watch while doing muutarwasirjan.

You know I’m not a big fan of our Establishment and I speak, write vehemently against their actions and pangay-baazian but here, I’d just really like ISI to do something about Christine Fair. I swear. She loves them so much that she ascribes everything that happens to them! Probably, even if she has the irritable bowel syndrome.



I don’t know if she’s been sleeping with Lal Topi Wala Muskhara or something but pinning the unjust generalization of the act of blaming everything negative that happens in Pakistan on RAW/MOSSAD/ CIA as something that all Pakistanis do – is plain wrong.

Also, let us not forget that Pakistan has been behind every gnikcuf thing on Earth. Pakistan is responsible for Global Warming, the ISI clearly did this by sending its agents all over the world to pollute the air by farting too much or something.

Pakistan has been behind all the economic crises, failed NASA Expeditions, international conflicts and not to mention, Gavrilo Princip was an ISI-sponsored assasin thus Pakistan and ISI set off the events that resulted into World War I – even though Pakistan was not even on the map at that time but WTF, he looked PAKISTANI. That proves it.

So coming back, many from the Pakistani Twitterati kept questioning her on her biased tweets in a manifest politer manner and even challenged her views with facts but hey, when the going gets tough, such goray go LTC.

Yup, Christine Fair decided of using her newly-acquired knowledge from the PTA Banned List on two Pakistanis who had merely done what is aforementioned, with this;

Yes, LTC if you challenge my #399-ish [Urdu List] tweets.

And whats with the D at the end? You’re not spelling London so the D is entirely unrequired. It just ends on the N. Aidi ayi tauu zanana Amir Liaquat!

For those who don’t know, LTC means:

But Christine forgot to tweet this :

IRONY: I am a woman, yet I have an L which I want people to climb on. #TweetLikeChristineFair

For a random moment and at the expense of sounding like Shirin Mazari WITHOUT any sense of xenophobia or hate,  let me just say that I absolutely, utterly, completely and unimaginably get annoyed by Non-Desis speaking tooti-phooti Urdu in their own accents. I have no idea why Desi people are so fascinated by that.

And Christine Fair, you don’t need to go all hyper like a bandaria after reading a Desi Abuse list.

And you should be thankful that the Pakistani Twitterati were sophisticated and tolerant enough to not deluge you with a thousand splendid cuss words in reation to your tweets that had only one tone; vitriolic.

Also, whence debating with someone over their country try to remember that by telling them that they’re uninformed about their land and countering their valid points during a discussion with a vulgar phrase from THEIR language – kindly keep in mind, you make your existence define #451 [ Urdu List ].

We may not be ‘academics’ but we aren’t as low as ones and know our country well enough to the extent that if someone wishes to argue with us about it, we won’t go tell them LTC because our side is weak.

There, my rant ends.

Until then, LTC.

Uh, I meant TTYL.


P.S : All the seemingly-averse things I’ve written about gorayz in this post are supposed to be humour. Unlike an ‘academic’, I nourish no antagonism for any race or people. Only condescending fools like Christopher Hitchens, Tarek Fatah and BChristine Fair bother me. Its people like them that make others go sadistic and they get happy that their country has nukes and these fear them! [ Okay, maybe its just me ]

Waise jistran meri rondi boothi hamesha raendi ae, lagda ae ouday uper e LTC likhaya hoya ae!

P.S #2: Keep your BS view to yourself if you think that mourning the deaths of the soldiers translates into being an Establishment-apologist. I along with many, have mourned the murdered-at-the-hands-of-the-Establishment/Backed-Extremists Hazara, Baloch, Tooris and we mourn the soldiers today.

You are either human or you sympathise and grieve on the basis of caste/creed/race/religion/sect/profession.

Although yes, one would like the same reaction when they [Hazara, Baloch, Tooris etc] are slaughtered.


Alice in Wonderland and Our Zulqi In Facebook-Land

29 Nov

Okay, so the runway-cricketer-cum-cricket-refugee a.k.a Zulqarnain Haider updated a new status of his on Facebook some days back.

“Who talking negative about me wait fr 5 days go mere ookat dikha raha hai sab ke ookat kikhain ga 5 din main wo kahain se belong kerte hain unkarib ookat batata huin pher pata chale ga kis ke kitne ookat hai or kis ne pese lie hain or kis ne nahin.”

First, it took my 5 minutes to construe and make out what he wrote but you know whats annoying ? Not his 4-time use of the word ‘aukat’ as ookat neither his ‘for’ as ‘fr’ but one small thing  : His facebooking.

 Its getting on my nerves.


I mean, fine he wrote a status and ran off on the day of a crucial match. His claims did seem serious, he did what he thought best and then landed in London seeking asylum and wanting to live a ‘peaceful life’which indicated he had no intentions of uncovering the whole story behind the mafia and match-fixing involved in our cricket. Fine again.

Updating his page with a smartly-edited picture as the profile photo later, making an account on Twitter (yes he did, and wants you to follow him there) and updating statuses sitting in another country would be the last thing a mature and sane man would have on his mind if he’s been receiving death threats meant both for him and his family.

“In our culture, when you are worried about your family’s safety, you run to their side,” Taffazul Rizvi, the PCB’s legal adviser, said. “Whereas he has run to a different country.”

And enlightening everybody about your plan of action is plain stupid. He messaged the media before fleeing to UK and now he’s putting up statuses stating that he’ll be telling all in 5-days (as if that’s not dangerous for him now -_- ).

Thing is, if you want to reveal all – come out, and come out bold. If you don’t, then don’t facebook.

So my dear Zulqi, either be a man and help save Pakistan Cricket a little by opening up to name the people (it would cause a stir but another scandal wouldn’t make a difference to this wonderful cricketing year that this nation has witnessed) or stop Facebooking because that isn’t part of reality. Its what some runaway dictators believe as the yardstick for their popularity show their power and support because they have 358,064 fans there compared to the 18 crore awam of Pakistan and where Meera claims to have got some lakhs of marriage proposals just because some Kashi Maliks write on her page “i love u meera.i wana kiss u?”

So stop the facebooking because just like ‘Alice in Wonderland’, FB is a fantasy world in our realities and you seem to be getting into it. Either you stay in Facebook-land or you come face the real world with what you know.

Stop facebooking. Why? Because its dopey when you’re in a situation like yours.

Though I know :

P.S : 5 days are over, when you show the ookat fr those-who-must-be-named?